I ♥ Me Again.

  
I feel like I need to write this post as a separation from me being who I thought I wanted to be, to just being me.
Without going in to detail, I've spent the past few years being there for someone who I once loved. Regardless of how much shit he threw my way, I would always 'ignore it' and continue being the best ex a guy could have.
But not long in to the new year I realised just how much of a tool I had been. Not him, me! Again I'm not going in to detail, but lets just say, my eyes opened and they remained open.
Whenever I get pissed off though, I retaliate on me. I guess it's me punishing myself for being the idiot I always am.
Rather than going back to the girl who moped about, due to how crap her life is I decided to look at myself.
I hated - no matter how much I'd hoped to love - my reflection.
I know I'm among many people out there who say that, but for me it wasn't about just loathing myself for who I was, it more like, I didn't see me in my reflection.
How did I know I didn't see me? Because in a moment of madness I thought "be the girl he fell in love with." If anyone is face palming over that, I get it, but just hear me out.
All those many moons ago, he fell in love with me.
The me who tanned and felt amazing with a golden glow.
The me who had acrylic nails in a French mani.
The me who's hair was so dark it was almost black.
The me who did her hair and make up daily.
The me who had smooth, clear skin.
The me who smiled and loved herself.

Not the me who was as pale as casper with nails broken and brittle.
Not the me who changed her hair all the time, going crazy coloured and blond and then piled it on the top of her head and left the house without a scrap of make up.
Not the me who 'put up' with her skin issues
and not the me who hated everything.

In a weird turn of events my stupid "be the girl he fell in love with.", turned in to a good thing. Not because I want him to fall back in love with me, but because I want to love myself again, be happy and smile.

Since that night, I've worn make-up daily! My golden glow is coming back and my hair is dark brown/black... don't ask!
I've started to attend my dance classes again and I'm taking my fitness more seriously.
As for my skin... I've been to the Dr's and gotten some tablets to help the acne.. however I've been noticing improvements with a couple of items in my skincare kit, which I'll discuss later.

This is my fresh new start I started blogging for. It wasn't about finding me or creating me. It was just about simply being me. Because once you're you, your confidence multiplies and that's the most attractive thing about a woman, apparently. It's been such a long time since I felt this content that I knew I had to put the road block up on my blog because there's a difference between me then and me now. Then, I was going through the motions. Now, I'm being true to me and I expect everything to change so much for the better now. I deserve to be happy and I'm going to be bloody happy.



Back to Fitness Roots.

Photo Property of Quinn Dombrowski
Not me at all in this picture but all my images are too busy for my blog... I know a weird peeve of mine but still. It's a peeve.
Many moons ago I attended aerial hoop classes along with a few others every week. However due to injury I stopped going.
But, I decided it was time to get back to me. In the weeks since my last post I've gone back to really dark hair, had french mani extensions on my nails and also started popping on the sunbed (I know the gripe with these) but it's made a massive change to my life...

I've been wearing make-up daily! And done my hair! It's been years since that happened.

Needless to say I am for once happy and more confident in my skin. So with my outlook more positive I decided to head back to the dance classes I once took. The first on my list was Aerial Hoop.

Boy had I forgotten the pain!

Although the moves were easy in respect of I knew them, I knew how to do them and all that jazz, I didn't look elegant nor have the upper body strength and core to help me out. But regardless I did them. Even hocks hang was crafted perfectly, down and up.

It wasn't all perfect though.

You see back in the day, I executed a transition move, did it slow and missed the re grab with my legs. My hands rescued me but my high leg went to the hard AF, floor with a whack and my big toe area turned purple. Monday night while coming out of a move, my foot landed on the floor not too hard mind, but with a bit of force and the pain and bruising was back!

In the following days since the class my body as ached to the point of screaming at me when I get undressed for a shower. It's been painful but worth it. Normally I don't like to go back to the beginning but It was worth it to re-learn mounts & sits.

Looking forward to getting back to it more and more. Once I've ordered my arnica cream.


Natural Cycles. Natural Contraception. Initial Thoughts.

I never thought I'd ever think about, let alone try natural contraception. It seems crazy but what's crazier is the side effects of the contraception we take as it's 'commercially' known.
I've been on the pill since my teens and had a couple of stints on Depo (Injection).
The earlier years of all this seemed fine.
Then then things started changing. I broke out in severe acne (compared to the minimal of pimples all my life) for starters and that's effected my skin really bad for the past 10 years at least.
Then my periods went from never to month long ones where I was taking Norethisterone to come off and that's stupid and expensive.
Randomly as I was scrolling through Intagram one evening I came across a blogger who'd posted about Natural Cycles which I will refer to as NC from now on. Initially I sniggered at the thought. An app to contol contraception? Really? Apparently, really!
I continued to think about it regardless and one evening I googled the side effects of both the pill I was on and depo.
Shockingly, I was greated with "some of the side effects..."
Some?
Yet the ones I could see in black and white were ones I was noticing in myself even years after initially starting.
That's when I signed up for NC. Now, typically as i've signed up news breaks that there have been a rise in unplanned pregnancies and as much as this should put me off the idea... the only way to be 100% certain that you're not going to get pregnant is not having sex. The pill isn't effective, nor is a condom and I think that that information slips peoples minds when this kind of news hits.



Anyway. I signed up for the yearly subscription and got the basal thermomenter free. I ordered Saturday/Sunday and it arrived Wednesday.
I calibrated the thermometer and started using it on the 18th. Date noted for he purpose of future reviews.

The thought of not adding extra litter to the tip and filling my body with things that do god knows what to it, is actually quite liberating. I feel like I have some control over myself again. In fact it's taken me down a whole new path in life.
Minimal & Organic.
Less crap going in my body and on it and also using less. I have a few DIY's up my sleeves!

Keep your eyes peeled for updates on this journey.




Swiftwhite Premium Activated Charcoal Teeth Whitening Powder*

Firstly, I want to apologize to Swiftwhite* for taking an eternity to review the powder.
I didn't however want to try using it while adding to the issue i'm trying to address. You know the saying, "Shoveling snow while it's still snowing." Well that was my thought process behind removing stains while still living on coffee.
I've not cut it out completely but it's getting less and less.



Now I had a teeth whitening kit a while ago and in it you get a colour dial. I threw everything else out recently because it was bound to be out of date but I kept the dial. Before I tried the charcoal powder I had a look and it was around about the 7 mark.

Whenever I could be bothered (because some nights I struggle to have a shower full stop,) I'd pop the charcoal on a damp tooth brush and brush for approx one min.

I don't do it every day as in the past this made my gums sore but I try for 3 times a week.

The benefits of charcoal:

1. Combats Plaque, Cavities, Tooth Decay And Bacteria

2. Works As A Natural Detoxifier

3. Helps Freshen Your Breath

4. Natural Teeth Whitener.

On Amazon, it states on average you could go 6 shades whiter in 7 days! Quite a statement however in the week since I started using I think I went down 1 shade. Now based on that being from partial use I'm quite happy with the results.

To use, I dip a damp toothbrush in the powder and brush for about 1 minute, spitting and rinsing after until the water becomes clear.

Initially it's a weird sensation rubbing powder on your teeth but it's no longer an issue after a little use, like most things new in life. I personally do this in the shower because I get it everywhere and it's the easiest place to rinse off after. While conditioner is working on my locks, brush brush brush.

In the coming months I hope to make my own, more natural products and hope to make a whitening toothpaste with the charcoal. I think that process will make it easier to use in the long run and maybe control the splatter so that I'm not restricted to the shower. Keep your eyes peeled on the blog to see if it happens and how it goes!


My teeth feel cleaner after using the charcoal which is made from coconut shells.
I love that it's natural and that it comes in a glass jar which will make it reusable.
It's also vegan!
3 Important things to me at the moment while I try and make my life clearer, cleaner and healthier.

*Contains Affiliate Links